With over two years of homestays under my belt ranging from studying in France and Senegal to working in Morocco there are certain things I try to keep in mind to ensure building a relationship with my host family and to get the most out of the experience as a whole. Whether the duration is ten days or over one year, living with a host family is the best way to experience a new culture and learn the language of the country in which you are living. Here are ten tips to make that experience the best it can be.
Before you arrive
1. Do Research
Before you arrive in your host country research the cultural norms. Having an idea of what is typically accepted and not accepted will better prepare you for your homestay. Knowing, for example, if you should leave the tank-tops at home, take your shoes off before entering a room, eat only with your right hand or how to greet people will allow you to more quickly adapt, integrate and be welcomed into the host family. While you will still make mistakes, this will help with first impressions and give you a good base to start from in becoming part of the family.
2. Pack Souvenirs From Home
Before you leave your home country, buy a few souvenirs representative of where you are from. Examples include key chains, post cards, a calender with pictures of your hometown, state or country, or small LED flashlights. These things make great gifts whether at the beginning of your stay or at the end. They will be a good introduction or reminder of you to the host family and give them an idea of where you are from. You can write notes to the family, neighbors or friends on the post cards, pictures from calenders can be used for future decoration in your host family's house and kids can't get enough of the flashlights!
During your homestay
3. Have No Expectations
Approach the experience with as few expectations as possible. The higher the expectations are the harder you will fall. If you keep in mind the mantra, It's not good, It's not bad, It's just different, throughout the experience, it will help keep things in perspective.
4. Lock Up Your Valuables
Keep spare cash and other valuables locked in your suitcase and if your host family gives you a room with a lock and key, keep your room locked when you are not in it. This not only protects your stuff but it protects the family as well. The first thought always seems to be, I don't want to offend my host family. But some families will directly tell you to lock your things up and in the end it is much less stressful to lock up your valuables in the beginning, with the slight fear that you might offend someone than to have to confront the family were something to go missing later on.
5. Develop Coping Strategies
A coping strategy is any technique used to help you relax when stressed, to help you get through challenging situations or to help you reboot when you have become exhausted. It can be any number of activities from reading, going for a walk, doing laundry by hand, or keeping a journal, to listening to music, doing artwork, taking a nap or just taking some personal time when you need it. Develop these strategies and develop them early. A good way to do this is to establish “you” time at the beginning. This will help create a pattern and help your host family understand that you wanting space has nothing to do with them. The most important thing is that you establish these techniques at the beginning, before you need them, so that they are there when you do need them.
6. Eat At Least One Meal A Day With Your Host Family
Whether meal time is at 5pm or 11pm, do your best to adapt to your host's schedule. The time you spend directly engaging with your host family, practicing language skills and learning more about them, is some of the most important and rewarding and meal time is the best time to do this. While school or work may prevent you from enjoying every meal with your host family, having at least one meal with them a day will help you build a relationship. In certain cases they may try and feed you by yourself out of respect or other cultural reasons. If this is the case talk to them about it. If it can't be changed, find another family to eat with on occasion.
7. Contribute To Household Chores
While you may be considered a guest for the first few days to a week, contributing to the household chores will help you become part of the family. Choosing a simple but consistent chore is a great way to contribute and will not only make you feel useful but make the family feel like you are doing your part as well. Setting the table every evening, doing the dishes after dinner, hauling water every morning, or sweeping are examples of great chores that you are entirely capable of and your host family should feel comfortable letting you do. In certain cultures it will be unacceptable or unheard of for a man to help with these chores. In that case you may insist that you want to help, or find other ways to contribute, perhaps taking time to play with the kids, helping your host dad figure out his new piece of technology, or chopping fire wood.
8. Cook Your Host Family a Meal From Home
Go out and find ingredients available to you and cook your host family a meal you enjoyed back at home. This allows you to contribute something to your host family, share your culture, and allows them to try something new. They also get to learn more about you. There is no guarantee that they will like the food but there is a guarantee that they will appreciate the experience as a whole! Who knew the foreigner knows how to cook!?
9. Communicate
Taking the time to communicate as best you can with your host family is essential to having a good experience. It is difficult to communicate with someone who speaks your own language let alone someone who speaks a different language but the most rewarding experiences will come from trying to communicate. Use your communication skills to get to know each other, solve problems, learn about the culture, get around, express the challenges you face and the gratitude you have for the family and the country you are living in. The whole point of the experience after all is to learn a new language and get to know about a new culture and the only way to do this will be through communicating with that culture and its peoples.
After your homestay
10. Keep In Touch
Do not let the end of your homestay experience be the end of your relationship with your host family. They have given and taught you so much over the time you spent with them. Show them your appreciation through monthly phone calls or a visit down the line. Most of the time they just want to hear your voice, hear that everything is going well and to tell you that they are doing well too. It doesn't take much time or effort. Nothing makes less sense to a host family than having their visitor leave, never to be heard from again.
There's nothing like having a second or even third family abroad. Take the time to develop a relationship with your host family and you will be pleasantly rewarded.
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Publications in which I'm interested in seeing my byline
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Editor: Gregory Hubbs
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4.Abroad View / http://www.abroadview.org/webzine/index.htm
Contributor submissions:
Send submissions to abroadview.editorial@gmail.com.
Editors: Various editors
5. Travelgirl / http://www.travelgirlinc.com/
Submission guidelines: Query by emailing soswald@travelgirlinc.com
Editor: Stephanie Oswald
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